Jonathan has asked Big Brother to let him leave the Big Brother House tomorrow - because he misses his family and friends and feels he's been reckless and selfish in coming onto the show.

"What have I been trying to prove?" he asked the other housemates pensively. "I clearly can't think very much of myself.

I should stop trying to prove myself, because I am alright, and I am a decent bloke."

"I'm sorry if I've wasted everybody's time," the media mogul added. "I don't have any regrets. I feel like I've won Big Brother because I've got somewhere."

The other housemates all applauded the 49-year-old.

"We don't want you to go!" Laura wailed.

"Why don't you go out in style?" Liam asked. "Take all your clothes off and do a pants dance." Er, hang on a minute, Liam...

Charley bit her nails and looked anxious, while her "happy partner" Billi brooded and stared downwards.

Lacking the calming influence of the Happy Room, Carole and Brian began crying, and Amanda reached over for a hug with Charley.

"I don't want to **** up the show, I just want to go out and... yeah. I don't want to sit here discussing it all night," Jonathan told them.

"He's proved he has goldenballs," Gerry reckoned. "'Cos none of us have the balls to walk out."

"I'd better go, otherwise I'll just keep hanging round like a bad smell," Jonathan told them. "You might get someone young and good looking now."

"Someone blond and gay?" Gerry hoped.

Well, there's nothing wrong with dreaming, Gerry!